This is a reposting of an old blog from several years ago on Facebook and has not been proof-read or edited, so keep this in mind as you read typos and culturally late items. Thanks for reading!
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You know, I've been reading all those "What every guy should do for his girl" and "what girls should do for their guy" and all that fuzzies junk, and I really have to be honest. The plethra of notes, facebook groups, and quotes that are dedicated to this subject are really a little too high school for me.
When you think about it, what gives some single, lonely, chivalrous guy the right to tell all other guys that they should be more like him because he treats women correctly and with respect? Or what about the broken-hearted girl who got mixed up with a guy who just wanted sex, and she was forced to dump him? Should she start a chain note or facebook group just because she thinks she knows the standard to which every male in the world must hold himself to just so that she'll have more dating options?
Sure, some of the things listed are what guys and girls should think about doing, but not because some crazy self-righteous guy or girl starts a facebook group and gets all the "awwwwww"'s from the opposite sex for it.
I'm sorry, but Facebookers today are getting so caught up in the fuzzies and the actions of their significant other that they forget some underlying, undetectable characteristics that are only discernable through time and getting to know someone. Such as:
Girls, should a guy hold the door open for you? "Of course!" you say. Okay, I'll agree with that. But why? Why should he do that? Because you can't open it for yourself? Because women are better than men? Because guys should treat women with respect? You may or may not agree with one or more of those reasons, but the underlying idea has not been realized.
Guys, should your girlfriend restrain herself from going through your list of text messages on your phone? "Yeah! She should never do something like that!" Okay, but why? Why should she not do that? Because it's rude to do that? Because you'd never cheat on her, but she still should respect your privacy? Because you should be honest enough with her that she doesn't have to suspect anything? Which one is the good reason why she shouldn't do that?
The point I'm trying to drive at, is that IT'S NOT THE VISIBLE THINGS THAT THE BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR IN THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! It's their heart! And how do you know someone's heart? They tell you, right? Wrong. The only way to get to know someone, and what they want and need is to be around them. Make him/her a part of your life. Make them an IMPORTANT part of your life. Not the center of your universe, just a big chunk of it.
Yes, many girls may like their boyfriend to hold open the door, to watch the occasional chick flick, to deal with her period. But is that why you love your boyfriend? It shouldn't be. You should love him because you love him!
Yes, guy want their girl to let him have space, to let him have his geeky moment and hang with his friends that she just doesn't relate to as well as he does, but is that why you love her? NO! You should love her because you love her! Not because of something he/she does or doesn't do for you, but because TRUE LOVE IS NOT REACTIVE! It does not depend on what kind of person they are, It depends on what kind of person YOU are.
When I tell my Sarah that I love her, it's not because she's kind to me. It's not because she's sweet and considerate. It's not because she's beautiful. It's not because she does "the little things." True, my Sarah is all those things, but that's not why I love her. They just make it easy for me to LIKE her.
No, I love my Sarah because I choose to. I know what she likes/dislikes because I choose to invest in her life and getting to know her. And I know what she likes because SHE TELLS ME. Not because I had to track down her facebook groups that give some crazy list of what I should do because I'm a guy with a girlfriend. My Sarah is unique. She is not like "every girl." She has her own special likes and dislikes, and I take much pleasure in learning them, because I choose to. Not because of anything she can give me or do for me (and believe me, she has more to offer than any girl I could dream up), but because I have a love that originates from God, that doesn't wait for the other person to be "worth it" or to show some kind of characteristic that appeals to me.
This, I think, is what all couples need to do for their loved one. THEN, all that other stuff like good communication, "the little things", and the fuzzies just simply because a natural byproduct of decisions (and emotions) to love the other person.
When you think about it, what gives some single, lonely, chivalrous guy the right to tell all other guys that they should be more like him because he treats women correctly and with respect? Or what about the broken-hearted girl who got mixed up with a guy who just wanted sex, and she was forced to dump him? Should she start a chain note or facebook group just because she thinks she knows the standard to which every male in the world must hold himself to just so that she'll have more dating options?
Sure, some of the things listed are what guys and girls should think about doing, but not because some crazy self-righteous guy or girl starts a facebook group and gets all the "awwwwww"'s from the opposite sex for it.
I'm sorry, but Facebookers today are getting so caught up in the fuzzies and the actions of their significant other that they forget some underlying, undetectable characteristics that are only discernable through time and getting to know someone. Such as:
Girls, should a guy hold the door open for you? "Of course!" you say. Okay, I'll agree with that. But why? Why should he do that? Because you can't open it for yourself? Because women are better than men? Because guys should treat women with respect? You may or may not agree with one or more of those reasons, but the underlying idea has not been realized.
Guys, should your girlfriend restrain herself from going through your list of text messages on your phone? "Yeah! She should never do something like that!" Okay, but why? Why should she not do that? Because it's rude to do that? Because you'd never cheat on her, but she still should respect your privacy? Because you should be honest enough with her that she doesn't have to suspect anything? Which one is the good reason why she shouldn't do that?
The point I'm trying to drive at, is that IT'S NOT THE VISIBLE THINGS THAT THE BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR IN THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! It's their heart! And how do you know someone's heart? They tell you, right? Wrong. The only way to get to know someone, and what they want and need is to be around them. Make him/her a part of your life. Make them an IMPORTANT part of your life. Not the center of your universe, just a big chunk of it.
Yes, many girls may like their boyfriend to hold open the door, to watch the occasional chick flick, to deal with her period. But is that why you love your boyfriend? It shouldn't be. You should love him because you love him!
Yes, guy want their girl to let him have space, to let him have his geeky moment and hang with his friends that she just doesn't relate to as well as he does, but is that why you love her? NO! You should love her because you love her! Not because of something he/she does or doesn't do for you, but because TRUE LOVE IS NOT REACTIVE! It does not depend on what kind of person they are, It depends on what kind of person YOU are.
When I tell my Sarah that I love her, it's not because she's kind to me. It's not because she's sweet and considerate. It's not because she's beautiful. It's not because she does "the little things." True, my Sarah is all those things, but that's not why I love her. They just make it easy for me to LIKE her.
No, I love my Sarah because I choose to. I know what she likes/dislikes because I choose to invest in her life and getting to know her. And I know what she likes because SHE TELLS ME. Not because I had to track down her facebook groups that give some crazy list of what I should do because I'm a guy with a girlfriend. My Sarah is unique. She is not like "every girl." She has her own special likes and dislikes, and I take much pleasure in learning them, because I choose to. Not because of anything she can give me or do for me (and believe me, she has more to offer than any girl I could dream up), but because I have a love that originates from God, that doesn't wait for the other person to be "worth it" or to show some kind of characteristic that appeals to me.
This, I think, is what all couples need to do for their loved one. THEN, all that other stuff like good communication, "the little things", and the fuzzies just simply because a natural byproduct of decisions (and emotions) to love the other person.
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